Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
