I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
