we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
