JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
