just tell him i said nine months
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
