come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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