i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
