i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize