she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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