I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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