Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
