how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
