3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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