they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
