i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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