Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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