Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
