The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
