Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
