if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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