note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
