How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
