I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
