you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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