as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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