Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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