Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
