FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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