very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
