she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
