No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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