im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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