I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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