I have demons in me.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
two words: eviction party
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
