He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
