you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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