True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sorry about my life...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
