I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
