woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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