____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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