i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
