He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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