i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
