My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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