i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
