Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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