they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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