i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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