dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need to align my fucking chakras
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
