i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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