is your mom at the bar?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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