so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
