I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
