I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Found your dick twin last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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