cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
