Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
