He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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