thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im six kinds of drunk right now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
