Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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