Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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