i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
