I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
