im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
