shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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