I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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