The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
