He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
