I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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