it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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