would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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